"This Sentence is False Whether You Like It or Not" & "The Story of the Last Thing..."
- Roi Fainéant
- May 25
- 3 min read

This Sentence is False, Whether You Like It or Not
This (1) Sentence (2) is (3) False (4) ,Whether (5) You (6)Like(7) It(8) or(9) Not (10)
(1) The designation of the term “This” implies a latitude of other possible narratives that may or may not be true, something that given the context of the lack of space contained herein would be difficult, nay, impossible to promise the delivery thereof with anything approaching emotional heft, let alone meaning.
(2) Sentences, being comprised of words, which are not but mere black squiggles on white space (or any other combination of contrasting colors), are implied to be impactful upon their reading by an outside observer, but not to the extent where they must be so, pursuant to personal preference.
(3) By the invocation of an existential qualifier as is used above, one must first, as the saying goes, invent the universe, a practice which can be neither celebrated nor condemned, as there is no possible frame of reference for non-existence, at least to those who hold consciousness in the manner which it is currently conceived.
(4) The designation of a set of words as containing a metaphysical truth value such as false requires subjugation to a form of logical positivism that would otherwise render the above statement as a paradox, which is not the intent of those who uttered it.
(5) The introduction of a disjunction, while admirable for its opening of the possibility space of the situation to a larger context, is thusly determined to be not worth the effort, as the range of possibilities is too much for one to bear without falling victim to analysis paralysis.
(6) The subjectivity implied by use of the second person implies the context of a first person, I, or a third person, they, such that the second person at the center of this “narrative” will likely be grievously offended by the nature of this long winded joke, else seeking the moment when it shall end.
(7) Matters of personal opinion, given the context in which the above one is placed, are chiefly the realm of the weak-willed and illogical, and as such are best left to the experts in speaking upon matters in which they are grossly underqualified and uneducated, teenagers.
(8) Again, the indefinite qualifier used as a pronoun is subject to a matter of confusion by a reader, who is likely not sure what the point of such an indulgence is, even if the answer is as simple as “Because it’s so much fun, Jan,” with little else to back it up required.
(9) However, the inclusion of a self-reflective narrator at this juncture, as well as the acerbic comments left above, could imply a set of consciousnesses behind each statement, possibly the same one, who may feel some sense of guilt at attempting to cobble together meaning out of language not built to the task.
(10) But again, it could all be for naught, as the original sentence contains a typo that renders the entirety of analysis that follows it moot as a result of addressing issues which were never present to begin with, as well as serving to puff up the ego of writer and reader.
The Story of the Last Thing...
The Story of the Last Thing I Thought Upon Waking Up this Morning and Wondering What it Was I Did that Caused Everyone I’ve Ever Loved to Suddenly Decide They Hate Me, and Moving Through the Stages of Grief in Such a Rapid Succession to Come to the True Realization That in the End They Probably Did What was Right for Them, and Only through That Recognition Coming to Realize It’s About Time to Look at Myself and Fix that Which is Broken in Me
Fuck
Ben Shahon is the author of the chapbooks A Collection for No One to Read and Short Relief. His work has appeared or is forthcoming from such magazines as Ghost Parachute, BULL, and Flash Boulevard, and he's the founding EIC of JAKE. Ben currently pushes pencils at a corpo day job on the border of LA and Orange Counties, where he lives.
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